Brand comparisons

One invented the technology. The other made it cheap enough that everyone could try it. After testing both lineups back to back, here's who deserves your money.

Womanizer, and it isn't close across the lineups.

If air-pulse is what you're shopping for, buy the Womanizer.

Two budget air-pulse brands, one clear answer for a first toy: Satisfyer.

Tracy's Dog is roughly 80% of a Womanizer for roughly 40% of the price.

These are two different sensations, not two versions of one.

The Magic Wand Rechargeable does about 85% of what the Le Wand Original does and hits a deeper rumble at full power.

The LELO Smart Wand 2 does not outperform the Magic Wand.

We-Vibe makes better products at lower prices.

Dame makes better products with less marketing.

Satisfyer delivers 85% of LELO's quality at 25% of the price.

Premium, body-safe and excellent on both sides, and built for different rooms.

Fun Factory, unless the toy you want is the Sona 2 Cruise.

We-Vibe for couples and app control.

Satisfyer if the toy is for you.

Two mass-market giants with the same disease, enormous catalogs where body-safe silicone sits next to porous jelly with no clear label.

OhMiBod invented the music-controlled vibrator in 2006 and still does that one trick better than anyone.

Decide what the toy is for before you compare these two.

Lovense for anything involving a phone.

After six months with both ecosystems — and one 2am Bluetooth meltdown that even Bear gave up on — I can finally tell you which brand to buy.

Two brands own the male-toy category. I've put serious mileage on both. Material, cleaning, discretion, longevity, all without the marketing layer on top.

Fleshlight for most people, Arcwave for people who already own a Fleshlight.

Tenga. Across price, design and range, Tenga wins this comparison for everyone except one specific buyer.

The Ion needs a full erection positioned precisely over the frenulum.

Feel, Fleshlight. A partner on the other side of a screen, Lovense.

Aneros specializes in non-vibrating prostate massage with decades of research behind it.

One requires patience and rewards you with hands-free orgasms most people never experience. The other vibrates the moment you turn it on and lets your partner control it from across the world. Both are great. They're also barely the same product.

Two of the most respected names in anal toys, and they couldn't be more different. Aneros is silicone designed for hands-free prostate work. Njoy is over a pound of mirror-polished steel that does its job in about thirty seconds. Both are right.

b-Vibe is an anal brand that happens to put motors in some plugs.

For learning, b-Vibe. For living with a plug, SquarePeg.

One plug forever, or a set that grows with you?

Two companies making silicone monsters for consenting adults. One lets you design your own alien appendage. The other is hand-sculpted by a guy who takes artisan dildos very seriously. Here's how they stack up.

If alien egg-laying is the fantasy, Primal Hardwere, and nothing else is a serious option.

Nothosaur sells a fantasy dildo for about half of what Bad Dragon charges, ships stocked colors from warehouses in the US, Germany and Japan, and uses platinum-cure silicone with the test documents posted.

The scores are close and the decision comes down to taste and patience.

Bad Dragon, for almost everyone.

Mr Hankey's makes the best silicone dildos in the world.

Vixen's VixSkin dual-density is the gold standard for realistic feel: soft skin over a firm core, hand-poured in Austin, Texas, priced accordingly.

Dual-density silicone from two makers that care, and the split is simple.

The two best silicone dildo makers in the world, split by what you want the dildo to be.

A first dildo should be a Tantus Silk.

Vixen makes the better dildo. Doc Johnson makes the affordable path to the same idea.

Buy Sliquid H2O first, because it works with every toy you own.

If you've had recurring irritation, infections or dryness, buy Good Clean Love.

Two silicone lubes with opposite personalities.

Sliquid, unless the bottle you're buying is Swiss Navy silicone.

Sliquid for the bottle you reach for every day.

These brands overlap in exactly one product, so decide what you're actually shopping for.

Sportsheets is where you start.

Lovehoney is the better store.

Lovehoney for anyone who might want to return something.

Two discount-driven megastores with inconsistent house brands, dated or cluttered websites, and one good trick each.