Guides

Everything I know about buying sex toys, condensed into one page. Materials, categories, brands, mistakes, maintenance, and the stuff nobody else will tell you. This is the guide I wish existed when I started.

You're overthinking this. Here's the no-nonsense checklist covering materials, starter picks, what to avoid, and everything nobody told you before your first purchase.

Not for beginners. This is the definitive vibrator guide for people who already own a toy and want to know what's actually worth upgrading to. Every category, specific products, real prices.

I've tested dildos from $31 Tantus silicone to $400 njoy steel to $200+ fantasy creatures. These are the ones worth buying, organized by what you're looking for.

Most app-controlled toys have terrible apps. Two brands get it right. Here's why the app matters more than the toy, and which ones are worth your money.

The market is split between products that meet modern safety standards and products that don't. Jelly, soft PVC blends, and a lot of unbranded factory output sit in the second pile. Here are the brands and specific picks I trust to put inside a body, and the framework for verifying anything not on this list.

You don't need to remortgage your house for a good orgasm. The best budget sex toys under $50 across every category, from someone who's tested the expensive ones too.

Twelve bucks for a silicone ring that makes you harder and last longer. Or $119 for one that vibrates and makes both people finish. Either way, underrated category.

Half the toys marketed to couples end up in a drawer after one awkward attempt. These are the ones that survive past the first try.

I've tested dildos from $31 Tantus silicone to $400 njoy steel to $200+ fantasy creatures. These are the ones worth buying, organized by what you're looking for.

Six fantasy silicone makers, ranked and compared: who pours the best silicone, who makes you fight a drop timer for it, and which brand fits the thing you're actually into.

Your partner is 4,000 miles away and you're both staring at your phones. These are the toys that actually make that situation bearable.

Some luxury vibrators earn every penny. Others are charging you $180 for a nice box and a mediocre motor. Here's how to tell the difference.

The prostate is there. It wants attention. Here's what to buy, how it works, and why half the internet is writing essays about their Aneros sessions at 3 AM.

The male toy market finally caught up. Strokers, prostate massagers, vibrating rings, and the stuff nobody told you about lube compatibility.

Not for beginners. This is the definitive vibrator guide for people who already own a toy and want to know what's actually worth upgrading to. Every category, specific products, real prices.

Most "waterproof" sex toys aren't. Here's how IP ratings actually work, which toys survive submersion, and the ones worth bringing into the shower.

Everything I know about buying sex toys, condensed into one page. Materials, categories, brands, mistakes, maintenance, and the stuff nobody else will tell you. This is the guide I wish existed when I started.

You're overthinking this. Here's the no-nonsense checklist covering materials, starter picks, what to avoid, and everything nobody told you before your first purchase.

Six brands, verified prices, the attachment standards that decide what you can bolt on, and the numbers that matter more than motor wattage. A homework guide for a $400 to $1,900 purchase.

Buying someone a sex toy is either the best gift they've ever received or a conversation you'll both pretend never happened. Here's how to land on the right side.

Actual decibel numbers instead of "whisper quiet" marketing. The quietest vibrators by category, the blanket test results, and why cheap motors sound like blenders.

Build a starter kit for under $100 without the cheap bundle trap. Blindfolds, restraints, impact play, and the stuff that actually gets used more than once.

Start small, use too much lube, and for the love of god buy something with a flared base. Everything else is details.

Everything I wish someone told me before I wasted $200 on the wrong vibrator. Budget picks, mid-range gems, premium splurges, and the materials stuff that actually matters.

One requires patience and rewards you with hands-free orgasms most people never experience. The other vibrates the moment you turn it on and lets your partner control it from across the world. Both are great. They're also barely the same product.

Two of the most respected names in anal toys, and they couldn't be more different. Aneros is silicone designed for hands-free prostate work. Njoy is over a pound of mirror-polished steel that does its job in about thirty seconds. Both are right.

Two companies making silicone monsters for consenting adults. One lets you design your own alien appendage. The other is hand-sculpted by a guy who takes artisan dildos very seriously. Here's how they stack up.

Two brands own the male-toy category. I've put serious mileage on both. Material, cleaning, discretion, longevity, all without the marketing layer on top.

One invented the technology. The other made it cheap enough that everyone could try it. After testing both lineups back to back, here's who deserves your money.

After six months with both ecosystems — and one 2am Bluetooth meltdown that even Bear gave up on — I can finally tell you which brand to buy.

Every anal training schedule online was invented by somebody. The injury research, which is much better than the training research, points at one thing: what hurts people is force and speed, not width.

Silicone bonds to silicone, batteries drain to zero, and that bathroom drawer is doing more damage than you think.

Start low, go slow, and for the love of god stop death-gripping the thing on maximum. Everything you need to know about actually enjoying a vibrator.

Lube is the most underrated purchase in the sex toy world. Wrong lube can ruin your toys, irritate your body, or just feel gross. Here's how to pick the right one.

Soap and water handles 90% of it. But the other 10% — boiling, bleach, storage, when to throw things away — is where most people mess up.

Air-pulse is wilder. Vibrators are more useful. Here's how to figure out which one your body wants — and why most people end up with both.

The difference between medical-grade silicone and mystery jelly rubber is the difference between a product designed for your body and one that shouldn't be near it.