Pegging: What It Is, Where the Word Comes From, and How to Start

The Short Version

Pegging is anal sex in which one partner wears a strap-on and penetrates the other. The word was coined for a woman penetrating a man, and many people now use it for anyone who receives anal sex from a partner wearing a strap-on. Some queer couples simply call it strap-on sex.

Starting well comes down to a few things. Talk first and agree on a stop word. The receiver practices alone with a finger and a small plug until it's easy. Then you need a smooth silicone dildo about an inch wide with a flared baseFlared baseA base wider than the shaft, so the toy can't slip all the way in. Anything you use anally needs one. More in the glossary, a harness that fits the wearer and far more water-based lube than seems reasonable. The receiver sets the pace, and pain or bleeding means you stop.

For a first time, Tantus's Bend Over Beginner Kit ($94) has a harness and two dildos sized for it. The rest of what we'd buy is below, and our strap-on ranking covers every harness and maker.

What Pegging Means

The meaning has widened since the word was coined. Healthline's guide says it first named a woman with a strap-on anally penetrating a man, and that now the strap-on and the anal sex are what define it. Researchers who interviewed people who peg still define it for straight couples, a woman penetrating a man, and wrote in 2023 that academic research on it is almost nonexistent.

In practice, anyone can receive and anyone can wear the strap-on. People with a prostate have one more reason to like it, but the anus is sensitive in every body. What matters is that both partners want it and that it's done slowly. Our list of 100 kinks rates pegging low risk, done that way.

It doesn't have to be kinky either. For some couples it's part of dominance and submission play, and for others it's just another kind of sex, with the usual roles turned around.

Where the Word Comes From

In 2001 Dan Savage asked readers of his Savage Love column to name the act of a woman penetrating a man with a strap-on. He put three words to a vote in a May 24 column: punt, peg, and bob, for the Bend Over Boyfriend videos.

The result ran on June 21. Of 12,103 votes, peg won with 5,216 (43%), ahead of punt with 4,166 (34.5%) and bob with 2,721 (22.5%).

The act is older than the word. Bend Over Boyfriend, a 1998 how-to video directed by Shar Rednour for Fatale Video, showed couples how a woman can penetrate a man, with the sexologist Carol Queen and her partner in it (Jump Cut has its history). Queen told The Nation the next year that it immediately became the fastest-selling video Good Vibrations had ever sold.

The word reached the red carpet in 2021, when Cara Delevingne wore a vest printed "Peg the Patriarchy" to the Met Gala. The sex educator Luna Matatas, who had registered the phrase as a trademark in 2015, said she wished she'd been credited.

Why People Like It

The prostate. In people who have one, the prostate is a gland about the size of a walnut, sitting below the bladder and in front of the rectum. It makes part of the fluid in semen. Through the rectum it sits about two inches in, on the side toward the belly. In a urology study of 100 men, the near end of the gland averaged 4.86 centimeters, about 1.9 inches, from the anal opening, and ranged from about one inch to three. A Cleveland Clinic urologist calls prostate massage sexually stimulating for some, and says there's no evidence it does any medical good. Our prostate massager guide covers toys made for it.

The nerves around the anus. The anus is rich in nerve endings, and so is the skin of the perineum just in front of it. In a 2025 study that asked men and women to mark where touch inside the rectum felt good, both most often picked the shallow front wall, the part closest to the opening on the belly side. The authors say the prostate's role is still debated. Among those who had tried receiving anal sex, about a third of the men and a fifth of the women said they had come from it alone, and about half of both did with other stimulation at the same time.

What the wearer gets. The base of the dildo can press on the pubic mound or the clitoris with every stroke. Some harnesses, the Tantus kit's among them, have a pocket behind the ring for a bullet vibrator, and a strapless has a bulb that sits inside the wearer.

Turning the roles around. Some couples like it for the change of who leads, and it often goes with dominance and submission play, as the Kinsey Institute's Justin Lehmiller has written. In a 2023 study of 15 people who peg regularly, nearly all spoke of feeling closer to their partner.

How Common Is It?

Nobody knows how many people have tried it. No national survey asks about pegging itself, and the researchers who did study it in 2023 found almost no earlier work. The nearby numbers say what they measured, and none of them is a pegging figure.

More such numbers, each traced to its source, are on our sex toy statistics page.

Talk First

Talk before anything comes out of a drawer. Say what each of you wants to try, what's off the table and who does what. Agree on a stop word, or traffic-light colors, where green means keep going, yellow slow down and red stop. The receiver sets the pace, and that holds from the first touch to the last. The talk section of our kink list has more on how to have it.

Plan the end too. Aftercare can be water, a towel, a cuddle or time alone, and it helps to check in again the next day.

If the receiver has had prostate surgery or a biopsy, ask the doctor first. A Cleveland Clinic urologist says anal sex is usually fine six weeks after the prostate is removed, if the surgeon agrees, and to wait two weeks or until healed after a biopsy. Hemorrhoids that are flaring or a tear that hasn't healed are reasons to wait as well.

What You Need

A harness. Two-strap harnesses, cut like a jock, hold a toy most firmly and adjust to the most bodies. One strap between the legs lets a toy move more, though some wearers with a vulva find it more comfortable. Harness briefs are the comfiest and don't adjust, and a strapless has no harness at all, only a bulb the wearer holds inside. Our strap-on ranking compares them.

A ring that fits the dildo. The dildo goes through the harness ring, and its base must be bigger than the ring's opening, or it slides through. Harness rings usually run 1.25 to 2 inches across, and a small, slim beginner dildo needs one of the smaller ones. Our ring size guide shows how to measure.

The dildo. Width matters far more than length at the start. Look for smooth silicone about an inch wide, 1.25 inches at most, 4 to 6 inches long, with a narrower tip and a flared base, and slightly soft rather than rigid. Most dildos on sale are wider than that: a 2015 study of eight sex toy stores found many were 4 to 5 inches around, which is about 1.3 to 1.6 inches across. Tantus's kit pairs a 0.8-inch Silk Small with a 1.1-inch Silk Medium. Uberrime's Pegging Dildo in Small is 0.91 inches at mid-shaft and 1.11 at the head, poured to order in two firmnesses.

Lube, and lots of it. The rectum makes no lubrication of its own. Use a thick water-based gel such as Sliquid Sassy, and add more before you think you need it. Silicone lube stays slick for longer, and it can harm some silicone toys, so save it for toys whose maker allows it, as our silicone lube guide explains. Skip numbing lubes and desensitizing creams entirely, because pain is the warning you need.

Condoms and a towel. A condom over the dildo makes cleanup quick and lets you switch to a fresh one before the toy goes anywhere else. A towel under the receiver saves the sheets.

Kits. A kit saves matching a ring to a dildo. Besides the Tantus kit, ROMP sells a Piccolo Pegging Kit with a curved silicone dildo of about 5 inches and a harness, and Sportsheets has a Saffron Silicone Pegging Kit ($48.95) with a 5-inch silicone dildo. For a strapless, Lovehoney's Desire Luxury strapless has rabbit ears for the wearer, and Lovense's Lapis runs from an app.

Before the First Time

Practice alone first. The receiver should know what being penetrated feels like before a partner is involved. Start with a lubed finger, nails short and smooth, then a small plug with a flared base, such as b-Vibe's Snug Plug 1 (0.9 inches) or Tantus's Perfect Plug ($28, three-quarters of an inch). Our anal toy ranking lists more, and our anal training guide explains how to size up by how it feels rather than on a schedule.

If the receiver wants to learn what the prostate feels like first, the Aneros Helix Syn Trident ($69.95) is the toy for it, used alone and patiently, since the response takes weeks to learn. Our Aneros review explains how.

Getting clean. A shower and a bowel movement beforehand are enough for most people, and douching isn't needed. An NHS sexual health booklet advises against it, and a 2019 review of 24 studies found it linked with higher odds of HIV and other infections among men who have sex with men, a link rather than proof. If you douche anyway, use plain water at body temperature in a small bulb, never a ready-made laxative enema.

How to Start, Step by Step

Arousal first. Pegging rarely works cold. Spend time on everything else first, then massage around the opening with lube, then a finger.

Let the receiver lead. The easiest start is with the receiver on top, lowering onto the strap-on and controlling the angle, the depth and the speed.

Tip first, then wait. Put in only the tip and hold still. The inner sphincter isn't under conscious control, and an NHS sexual health booklet says it can take from a few seconds to half a minute or more to relax. Once the toy is in as far as is comfortable, stay still for a few minutes before anyone moves.

Slow and shallow. Move slowly, and let the receiver decide how deep and how fast. Shallow strokes are often enough, since the shallow front wall is the spot people in the 2025 study picked most often.

Aim toward the belly. The prostate is on the front wall, so with the receiver on their back the dildo's curve points up toward the belly, and with the receiver face down it points toward the bed. A pillow or a wedge under the hips changes the angle.

Add a hand. Stroke the receiver's penis or clitoris at the same time. About half of the people in the 2025 study above had come from receiving anal sex when something else was stimulated too.

Out as slowly as in. Pull out slowly, while the receiver bears down a little.

Positions

Receiver on top. Facing the wearer or facing away, the receiver lowers themselves onto the strap-on. Best for a first time, because the receiver has full control.

On their back, legs up. The receiver lies back with knees drawn toward the chest and a pillow under the hips. You can see each other's faces, and the curve aims straight at the prostate.

On your sides. Both lie on their sides, facing the same way, with the wearer behind. Slow and easy on the knees.

From behind. The receiver on all fours or lying face down. It can feel deeper, and you can't see each other's faces, so check in out loud more often.

A wedge pillow makes several of these easier, and our sex furniture ranking has the ones we'd buy.

When to Stop

Stop at sharp or burning pain, at any bleeding, and at pain that lasts afterward. Some discomfort the first time is common, and it usually eases with relaxation and practice, but it's never something to push through. If bleeding or pain is still there a few days later, see a doctor.

This is also why numbing products have no place here. They don't make penetration safer. They switch off the signal that tells you to stop.

Two worries come up a lot. There's no evidence that anal play causes hemorrhoids. Frequent, forceful anal sex has a modest link with fecal incontinence in one national data set, measured at a single point in time, which our anal training guide explains.

Afterward

Never anal to vaginal without a change. Bacteria from the rectum cause vaginal and urinary infections, so put on a fresh condom or wash the toy before it goes anywhere else. That matters with a double-ended strapless, and when you swap roles.

Clean the gear. A silicone dildo without a motor can usually be boiled or washed on a dishwasher's top rack, if its maker says so. Clean the harness the way its maker says, since leather, neoprene and velvet each want different care. Our cleaning guide goes material by material.

Check in. Ask how it felt, what to change and what to keep, and ask again the next day.

Common Worries

Does pegging make you gay? No. Who you're attracted to is your orientation, and what feels good is anatomy. The sexologist Carol Queen put it this way to Salon in 2011, "it is the gender of the partner rather than the sex act desired that speaks to a person's sexual orientation." In a 2020 study of 30 straight university men in the UK, the men didn't treat pleasure from anal play as something shameful.

Will it be messy? Sometimes a little. A shower and a bowel movement beforehand, a condom on the toy and a towel underneath cover nearly every time.

Will it hurt? It shouldn't. Done slowly with enough lube and a small toy, most people feel pressure and fullness, and sometimes the urge to pee, which is normal with pressure on the prostate. Pain means slow down or stop.