Geeky Sex Toys Review: I Own a Lightsaber Dildo and I Have Zero Regrets

The Product Lineup

The product range splits into a few obvious buckets. There's the sci-fi collection, which includes the lightsaber piece, various alien-inspired insertables, and something that looks suspiciously like it belongs on the bridge of a starship. There's the fantasy/mythology bucket with hammer-shaped toys and creature tentacles. And there's a smattering of designs that reference gaming, anime, and internet culture in ways that made me snort-laugh on a Tuesday morning while browsing their site.

Everything is silicone. Not "silicone blend" or "silicone feel" or whatever weasel phrasing cheaper novelty brands use. Actual platinum-cured silicone that you can boil, bleach, or toss in the dishwasher. For a novelty brand, this is a major point in their favor. Most gag-gift sex toys are made from porous jelly rubber or TPE that you probably shouldn't be putting inside your body at all. Geeky Sex Toys actually gives a damn about what their products are made from, even if the products themselves are shaped like movie props.

The catalog rotates. Designs come and go, sometimes because of IP pressure (I suspect), sometimes because a mold wears out. If you see something you want, don't assume it'll be there next month.

The Lightsaber (yes, really)

The "Saber Dildo" is the flagship. It's not called a lightsaber because that would be a trademark violation, but we all know what it is. A cylindrical handle with a long, smooth shaft coming out of it, available in multiple colors including a glow-in-the-dark option that charges under a lamp and then actually glows in a dark bedroom.

I bought the glow-in-the-dark version because I have no self-control. Charged it under my desk lamp for twenty minutes, turned off the lights, and there it was: a glowing green phallus on my nightstand, casting a faint radioactive glow across the room like the world's most inappropriate night light. I laughed so hard I cried. He came into the bedroom to see what was wrong and just stood in the doorway shaking his head.

As an actual sex toy? It's fine. The shaft is smooth silicone, the diameter is reasonable, and the handle gives you something to grip. But the handle is rigid and blocky, designed to look like a weapon hilt rather than to feel comfortable in your hand during use. The transition from handle to shaft has a hard edge that limits how deep you can comfortably go. And the shape is just... a cylinder. No curve, no texture, no ergonomic consideration whatsoever.

Compare that to a Tantus Silk at half the price: curved for G-spot contact, tapered for easy insertion, and designed by people who were thinking about anatomy rather than copyright law. The Saber wins on vibes. The Tantus wins on orgasms. Those are different competitions.

Other Greatest Hits

The tentacle designs are where Geeky Sex Toys overlaps with the fantasy toy category, and these are actually the most functional products in the lineup. A tapered tentacle with sucker-like ridges along the shaft has a shape that works for insertion by default, because the taper handles sizing and the texture adds stimulation. It's still more of a novelty than something like a Bad Dragon tentacle (which is engineered for pleasure first), but the gap is smaller here than with the lightsaber.

The hammer toy is hilarious as an object and baffling as a sex toy. The handle is the insertable part. The hammerhead is... decorative? A base? A conversation starter when your roommate finds it in the bathroom? It's body-safe silicone formed into the shape of a mythological weapon, and I respect the commitment to the bit even though I cannot figure out a comfortable angle for actual use.

There's a "face-hugger" inspired piece that wraps around... well, it's a cock ring. A tentacled, alien-egg-themed cock ring. He refused to try it. He said, and I quote, "I draw the line at putting an alien on my dick." I respect his boundaries even though I was curious about the review potential.

The smaller plugs shaped like various gaming and pop culture icons are probably the strongest play in the whole catalog. They're small enough that the novelty shape doesn't interfere with function, they're body-safe, and they're funny without being impractical. A butt plug shaped like a certain triangular relic from a famous adventure game? Works perfectly well as an actual plug. Happens to also be a solid joke.

Materials & Safety

This is where I have to give real credit. Geeky Sex Toys uses platinum-cured silicone across their entire line. Not some of it. All of it. In the novelty sex toy space, this is rare enough to be remarkable.

Walk into a Spencer's or browse the gag gift section of any adult store and you'll find "novelty" dildos made from jelly, PVC, or mystery rubber that off-gasses chemicals and can't be properly sanitized. Those products exist as jokes you're not supposed to actually use, except people do use them, and the materials are straight-up sketchy. Porous materials harbor bacteria between uses no matter how well you clean them, and some contain phthalates that you really don't want prolonged contact with mucous membranes.

Geeky Sex Toys said "we're making joke products out of medical-grade silicone" and followed through. The silicone is smooth, has a slight matte finish, and feels like what you'd get from any reputable toy brand. Non-porous, hypoallergenic, boilable for full sterilization. Whatever you think of the product concepts, the material choice is responsible and puts them in a different league from gas station gag gifts.

Use water-based lube only. Silicone lube on silicone toys is a bad time regardless of brand.

The Gift Factor

This is where Geeky Sex Toys actually excels, and where I think the 6.8 rating needs context. If you're evaluating these as daily-use pleasure products, they're mid. If you're evaluating them as gifts, they might be the best option in the entire sex toy market.

A friend of mine got married last year. For her bachelorette party I bought the glow-in-the-dark saber and wrapped it in tissue paper. The scream she let out when she unwrapped it could be heard two floors up. That toy generated more joy in five seconds of unwrapping than most toys generate in five years of use. Worth every penny for that reaction alone.

The fact that they're body-safe means you're giving someone a gift they could actually use if they wanted to, which is more than you can say for 90% of bachelorette party novelties. Those cheap plastic penis straws? Garbage. A silicone lightsaber? That's a thoughtful gag gift. The overlap of "funny" and "safe" is surprisingly small in the novelty toy market, and Geeky Sex Toys sits right in that overlap.

Packaging is plain brown box, no branding. Your mail carrier remains uninformed about your sci-fi sexual preferences.

But Does It Actually Feel Good?

Three weeks of testing. Multiple products. I kept a mental scorecard. The results are mixed.

The tentacle designs worked best during actual use. The natural taper, the textured ridges, the flexibility of the silicone: these add up to a toy that provides real stimulation even if it was designed for aesthetic reasons. I'd rank the best tentacle piece somewhere around a 6.5 as a pure pleasure tool, which is respectable for something designed to look like a prop from a horror film.

The saber was the worst performer. Smooth cylinder, no curve, rigid handle. It does the job the way a broomstick does the job: technically inserting something, not optimized for the experience. I used it twice for testing purposes and then it went on the shelf as a decorative piece that makes visitors very uncomfortable.

The smaller plugs landed in the middle. Functional, comfortable, unremarkable in sensation. They work. They don't excel. A b-Vibe plug at a similar price point delivers better design, better materials finish, and an actual understanding of anal anatomy.

The common thread: these toys are designed shape-first, function-second. A real toy designer starts with anatomy and works backward to aesthetics. Geeky Sex Toys starts with "what pop culture thing can we make this look like" and then figures out how to make it insertable. That approach has a ceiling, and the ceiling is about a 6.8 overall rating.

vs. Real Fantasy Brands

Bad Dragon is the obvious comparison and it's not close on function. Bad Dragon's fantasy shapes are sculpted by people who understand what bodies respond to. The textures are deliberate, the curves are intentional, the firmness options let you customize for comfort. A Bad Dragon Chance costs about the same as a Geeky Sex Toys saber, and the Chance will give you orgasms that make your eyes roll back. The saber will make you laugh and then give you an okay orgasm. Different goals.

Mr Hankey's is even further ahead on the pleasure axis. Premium silicone, meticulous sculpting, customization options that make Bad Dragon look limited. But Mr Hankey's costs more and takes the fantasy concept dead seriously. No jokes. No puns. If you want fantasy toys that are also funny, that's Geeky Sex Toys' niche and nobody else is filling it.

Tantus is the comparison for anyone thinking "but I just want a solid silicone dildo." A Tantus toy at $30-50 will outperform any Geeky Sex Toys product in terms of pleasure, ergonomics, and daily usability. Tantus doesn't care about making you laugh. They care about making you come. If that's your priority, skip the novelty aisle.

Fun Factory brings up an interesting point: playful design doesn't have to mean sacrificing function. Fun Factory toys look distinctive, come in bold colors, and have personality without being joke products. They prove you can make a toy that's fun to look at AND engineered to deliver. The gap between Fun Factory's approach (design serving function) and Geeky Sex Toys' approach (design serving comedy) is the whole story of this review.

Pricing

Dildos run $60-100 depending on size and complexity. Plugs are $30-60. Rings and smaller items sit around $25-40. Shipping from Australia adds to the total for international orders, and delivery times reflect the distance.

Is it expensive? For a novelty item, yes. For body-safe silicone, the pricing is actually reasonable: a comparable amount of platinum-cured silicone from Tantus or Vixen Creations costs about the same. You're not paying a huge novelty markup on materials. You're paying for the design and the mold work, which is fair.

The question is whether you're buying a sex toy or buying a joke. If it's a joke, $80 for a glow-in-the-dark lightsaber dildo that will be the highlight of a party is money well spent. If it's a daily-use toy, $80 gets you something significantly better from almost any serious toy brand.

“I draw the line at putting an alien on my dick.”

— Daniel, establishing boundaries

ALTERNATIVES

Bad DragonFantasy shapes that actually prioritize pleasure

Review7.8

T

TantusBody-safe silicone at better prices for actual use

Review8

Fun FactoryIf you want playful design AND serious function

Review8